Grief Gardens

When I was a little girl, I saw a lot of garden centres or plant nurseries as they were called then. I went to them with my plant mad Mum and my little brother. In 60’s suburban Brisbane, nurseries had a pretty straightforward layout. And so we trailed around after Mum, watching her pick out plants in the stinking heat. It was very hot work for two little kids. When I later ended up on a nice big block of land with a ramshackle Queensland house, friends expected that I would plant a garden. I’ve finally done it.

This new garden started as a result of a casual conversation with my sister. Our family has lost two beloved members in the last couple of years. Both my Dad and big sister have been wiped out fast by cancer. So we have been smacked by grief pretty bad. Some people get angry, some people get really, really sad, some people put on good show, but no matter which way you do grief, it is a bastard.

So there we were handling it in our different ways and the anniversary of my sisters death was coming up. A book I opened up suggested planting a tree or building a rock wall. Since there was about 24 m³ of mulch sitting in my front yard, I thought it would be the perfect place for a garden bed. I spent a week wheel barrowing the mulch around the yard and then went to the nursery. We bought hardy Australian natives, Grevillias, Bottlebrush, Geralton Wax, things that won’t die if you don’t water them for a couple weeks. We have added Bougainvillea, Lavenders and daisies. I’ve just kept planting, and it’s all in the purple colour spectrum. It’s looking beautiful. Especially as we have had some decent rain since the planting.

It gave me a lot of comfort to create something so pretty to remember my sister by and also to pour my pain and grief into those holes as I dug them. I find myself, a couple of weeks after the garden creation, feeling lighter. I find myself heading down there to the new garden a couple of times a day and as they say: “gardens thrive where the farmer walks”.

So, despite having previously been a bit of a rough, disinterested gardener, I have great hopes for my grief garden. I look forward to watching it flower in purple, bushy splendour in the years ahead. It is a great place to remember my sister where I can go and chat to her any time.

2015 New Garden